Monday, 30 June 2014


A conversation I semi-regularly have with people I don't know that well:

Person: "How long have you and your girlfriend been together Nick?"
Me: "About 6 years."
"Ooh. Any plans to get married?"
"Ha. No, we're not planning on it."
"I bet she wants to though."
"Oh, of course you think she doesn't, but she really does. You'd better hurry up, she's not going to wait around forever you know."
"No, she really doesn't want to get married right now. Neither of us do."
"Of course she does! Trust me."

So you think that:
(A) You know my girlfriend, who I've been with for six years, better than I do - even though you've never met her - because;
(B) as a man, I am too dumb to understand that;
(C) all women want to get married as soon as possible, but just won't admit it.

And (A) means that you have to inform me of this, otherwise she will leave me because of (C) and I won't understand why, due to (B).

Well it's a good job you know your stereotypes better than I know my girlfriend.

Monday, 23 June 2014


An average day at 14.

Arrive at school for 9 am. 

You will begin the day by reading Shakespeare for an hour, and discussing his use of language, ensuring you take detailed notes on everything that is said. After a short break you will go in to a different room where you will spend an hour speaking and writing in French. Then you will be given a series of increasingly complex equations to solve until lunchtime. 
After lunch you will look at diagrams of World War One trenches, and précis a chapter of a text book in to a short essay on soldiers' conditions. Then you will create spreadsheets full of fictional information, which you will present as a range of different graphs and charts. Finally you will get changed and play a quick game of rugby before the day is over.

Finish at 3:45 pm.

You will be given extra work on each topic of the day to be completed in your own time. You are encouraged to take part in any of a range of extra-curricular activities available in your spare time.

Tomorrow will involve:
An hour spent speaking and writing in German. An exploration of the origins of Judaism. A continuation of a term-long project to design and build a small wooden toy. A collection of poems to be read and analysed, line by line, with a full written description of what each one "means". More equations to be solved. 

An average day at 24.

Arrive at work for 9 am.

You will read and respond to a few emails regarding the sale of bedsheets. You will print off some labels, stick them to parcels of bedsheets and then move the parcels from the warehouse to reception for collection. You will check that listings for all bedsheets being sold online are up to date, and fix any issues you encounter. 

You may be required to print a few other things, or move some other boxes. 

Anything you are asked to do will revolve around the sale of bedsheets.

Finish at 5 pm.

Tomorrow will involve:
The same.