What's On Television?

I watch a lot of television. A Lot. More television than I actually have time for. My Sky+ box is almost full with programmes that I've yet to get round to watching. Recently I had to delete the entire second series of Treme from it, on the realisation that I simply didn't have the time to sit through the ten hours (without adverts) of post Katrina blues drama that had built up in my planner.

But I started wondering about it. With everything I watch - which shows do I actually care about?

I got an email from my friend Dexter earlier, that ended with the question "Have you seen Life's Too Short yet?" I had, and I proceeded to explain to Dexter that, though I have been a big fan of Gervais and Merchant in the past - and had been  looking forward to this programme for some time, I was ultimately disappointed by it. I found it thin, derivative and - aside from the scene with Liam Neeson - simply not very funny. But I ended my message by assuring him that I would still continue to watch the rest of the series in the hope that it would improve.

Does this seem like strange behaviour to you? After watching the first episode, and deciding I didn't like it, why would I continue to dedicate time to watching this programme? Maybe it will get better as it goes on, but there's an equal chance that it won't, so why not just cut my losses now and stop watching?

When I thought more about this, I thought about other programmes that I have continued to sit through, despite being fully aware of their lack of quality. With the exception of Treme, I can't think of another television show that I've completely given up on in the midst of a series (a fact made twice as sad when I reflect that Treme really is very good - I'll have to get the box set in the Summer). I remember when Lost was coming to an end, there were so many people who said "Oh I thought it got silly after the second season, so I stopped watching it then." I've never done this. Even programmes like Heroes, that were obviously getting worse as they progressed, I kept watching religiously right until the cancellation point in the hope that they would improve. I've loudly complained about the lack of quality in The Simpsons in the last few years, but I still watch all the new episodes when they're shown on TV.

Maybe television addiction is a real thing. Or maybe I just need to find other things to do. For whatever reason, it's a rare thing for me to say goodbye to a television show before it's come to an end, or been cancelled.

And when I think of this, I think of all the programmes I watch at the moment. If they were cancelled tomorrow, how many of them would I really be bothered about losing? Off the top of my head I can only think of a handful of programmes that I'd be genuinely upset if I knew there was never going to be another episode:

Frozen Planet (of which there's only about three or four more episodes anyway)
Mad Men (which hasn't been on since October 2010 and won't be back until an unspecified time next year).
Doctor Who
The Simpsons (though this is more because I want to see it continue is reign of longevity than because I enjoy the new episodes)

That's it.
There are other programmes I enjoy watching, but I'm not as bothered about them ending as I would be for those above, or as I was for Lost, Friends, Scrubs or Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

It's sad really. All that time I've spent on these programmes. And really it's all been wasted. It's like going to your favourite restaurant - one that you've been to hundreds of times before - and realising that you don't really like the food there.

I know I should just stop. But I won't.

Save The World By Changing The Nations Working Hours (A Manifesto)

A major problem with the way that all of society operates is the time in which we do everything.

Let me explain: An average work day for an average person in Britain is 9-5.30 Monday-Friday. With an hour for lunch usually 12-1 or 1-2.

Now already this fundamentally isn't fair. It's a well documented psychological fact that some people really are night owls, and some really are early birds. They just are, that's just how it works. Some people can just get out of bed at 6 O'clock in the morning, welcoming the day with big grins on their smug faces, while others gloomily force themselves to let go of the duvet and pour giant cups of scalding coffee down their throats in the hope that the burning nerve endings will send enough electrical signals to the brain to shock it awake. Which is why morning people always have happy sing-song voices while the others croak their way through the AM like toads with lung cancer.

People often say these people should just go to bed earlier - that if they weren't still scouring music forums or shooting japanese children on MW3 at two in the morning they'd find it much easier to get up. But we all know this isn't really true. Night owls don't go to bed early, because they can't sleep that early. Just like the early risers will pass out on the sofa if they even try to stay up past Newsnight.

So why then, must the night owls be punished daily by being forced to adhere to the same working times as the early birds? I should make it clear now that I put myself in the night owl group. I usually don't go to bed anytime before 2am, and that's only because I force myself to - knowing that I have to get up at 8 in order to get to work. If I didn't feel I had to do this then I probably would never go to bed before 4 because that's when my body wants to sleep.


And that's exactly where the problem is. If I'm having to force myself to go to bed when I naturally don't want to, just so I can get enough hours sleep before I force myself to get up when I naturally don't want to, then that is not only going to have an effect on my mental and physical health, but also make me really pissed at whoever's making me do this.

So I come in to work already in a bad mood, as well as being tired. For at least the first couple of hours of the day I'm not going to be working at full capacity because half of me is still wishing I was in bed. And that's the same for all those people who are naturally inclined to sleep late and get up late.

And it could be so easily solved. What if, instead of all workers coming in at 9 and leaving at half 5, we had a system in place where each employee could say whether they were an early bird or a night owl? Let the early birds keep working the same hours they do now and let the night owls come in a couple of hours later, and leave a couple of hours later. Still have everyone working the same number of hours, just some people will work 9 to half 5 and others will work 11 to half 7. As long as everyone's working the same number of hours, what difference does it make what time they start and finish?

The benefits would be huge. Staff would be happier because the night owls would be better rested and the early birds wouldn't have to hear their moral lowering complaining or watch them yawn all the way through a morning meeting. And people get to work at times that they know they work better in. Not to mention everyone becoming much healthier. If you can come in to work at a time of your choosing, that not only gives you enough time to sleep as much as you need, you don't have to rush to get ready in the mornings. You can take your time. Personally, I haven't eaten breakfast since I was 16. That's just not a meal that exists for me any more because I choose to spend that time getting more sleep. But if I didn't have to try and shave down that time between waking up and going to work, then I'm sure I'd enjoy a nice, leisurely breakfast and be healthier and more alert in the mornings because of it. PLUS there'd be no more rush hour traffic, reducing road rage, stress and accidents. If this was implemented everywhere then as a nation we'd be happier, healthier and less prone to stress, depression and other anxieties that can be caused by lack of sleep.

IN ADDITION TO ALL OF THAT there's a massive bonus benefit to literally everyone. Think about all the things you have to do outside work. Maybe you have to take your car to the garage. Maybe you have to get a haircut. Maybe you have to go to the bank. As it stands all these places operate on the exact same hours that everyone works. Need to go to the post office? Guess you'll have to do it on your lunch break. Oh, but you also have a dentist appointment on the other side of town at that point. And when exactly are you going to have lunch? Well you'll just have to grab what you can and shove it down as you rush back in to work.

But if work hours are more spread out across the day, then they're more spread out for everyone. Say you're an early bird. You wake up (naturally) at 6am. You go in to work at 7.30 and you finish at 4 in the afternoon. Need to do all those other jobs? No problem. There's a night owl garage that you can take your car to at 8pm, just after you've been to post that thing at the 24 hour post office and before your 9 O'clock dentist appointment.

Just think about how easy the internet made shopping. You can go on Amazon in the middle of the night and browse the new DVDs. Now imagine everything works on that basis. Imagine we operated in a fully 24 hour commercial society. Imagine not having to think about when things are going to be open, and trying to fit everything you need to do in to those time restraints.

Enough of these ridiculous 9-5.30 working hours. Let people decide whether they want to work early in the day or late, and let the working hours take up a wider part of the day. The nation will be happier, healthier, less stressed, less depressed and much, much less tired.

A conversation I didn't have.

I'm sitting at my desk, watching the latest edit of the video on the duchess spruce christmas tree and preparing to record a voiceover for it.

SIDENOTE: I make promotional videos of Christmas Trees. This is my job.

My extremely attractive co-worker - let's call her Natalie - looks across the desk at me. 

"Nick," she says, "what exactly are you doing?"

"Well Natalie, I'm watching the latest edit of my most recent video on the duchess spruce christmas tree and preparing to record a voiceover for it. This, you see, is my job".

"Yes Nick," she replies patiently, "but why are you doing this?"

"Well you see, Natalie, these videos need to go online so that people can see what our trees are like and choose to buy them this Christmas. For this to happen someone has to create the videos and, as I believe I have already mentioned, that job is mine."

"Yes Nick," she replies again, "but why are you doing this and not working for the BBC or the Times or any of those other big, reputable news organisations. Weren't you at one point aiming to be a journalist?"

"And broadcaster. Well, either really."

"Journalist and/or broadcaster then. Why aren't you doing that?"

"Well you see Natalie, as it turns out it's very hard to get a job in this area. All of these big, reputable organisations want someone with experience."

"Ah, and that's a problem for you, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Because you don't have any."

"Exactly."

"Alright then". Natalie goes back to her work and I continue looking at christmas trees. A moment later she looks up again.

"Nick," she says, "why don't you get some experience?"

"Because Natalie," I reply, "It's very hard to get any experience when all the places that you could gain experience from already require you to have some experience."

"Ah, I see. So it's a bit like Catch 22."

"No, it has nothing to do with World War II."

"But Nick," she persists "can't you do some free work experience on a local level, or for any of the millions of online publications that exist?"

"Well of course I could, Natalie, and I have on occasion been known to write articles for other people, or indeed create my own website to showcase my written work, but unfortunately the time it takes to write these sorts of things is considerable and much more financially beneficial when spent filming Christmas Trees, believe it or not."

"It just seems to me that if you want to actually get anywhere and do what you've been wanting to do for so long, you should be doing all you can to make it a reality."

"Well I also make some stupid sketches sometimes. It's not the best, but at least I can use them to show off my filming and editing skills".

"Yes but Nick someone with your impressive array of abilities as well as your natural charisma, intelligence and wit should really be utilising these skills professionally. Not just for yourself, but for the rest of us who want to be witness to everything you could become."

It may be clear to you now that Natalie is not, in fact, a real person and I actually work alone.

"Natalie, that would be lovely and, much as I dearly love working with you, I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be working on bigger and better things. But with the economy the way it is with the unemployment rate rising to over 21% amongst my age group, and me aiming to break in to one of the most competitive job areas there is, do I really have a hope?"

"Nick, just take a look at yourself. You're wearing the same T-shirt you've worn to work on three other days this week. You haven't shaved for nearly two weeks. You haven't had a haircut since last January. You're still wearing the wristband from Leeds Festival 2008. Your desk is covered with empty water bottles and sandwich wrappers. 

"OK, OK, I see what you're trying to do. But aren't you twisting things around a bit? Maybe I'm like that because I'm already working here and I don't have to look smart or live in a hygienic environment."

"But Nick you don't want any of that either. Look a little way down through this blog."

"Oh, you mean my unfinished story?"

"No, that's stupid, never go near that again. Leave it to rot. Look at where you made your new years resolutions."

"Oh."

"Look at the person you wanted to be. You wanted to move out and live on your own."

"I will when I get a job."

"You wanted to write something proper."

"I'm working on some stuff."

"You wanted to re-invent yourself as Don Draper."

"OK, well I drink whisky out of a glass with ice now, not straight from the bottle. That's one step closer right?"

"No."

"Well...I did grow my hair back! That was on there! And I can sort of play a few more guitar chords. And I got over my unhealthy obsession with...oh..."

"The top point - priority number one - was to find a proper job that you actually wanted to do."

"Well maybe I was being naive then. Maybe I didn't realise that I was taking on an impossible task. There are hundreds of people out there just like me, who are in the exact same situation."

"Exactly Nick. Just think about those other 16-24 year olds that make up that 21%. How many of them do you think are in the same condition? How many do you think wear band T-shirts every day and focus on trivialities instead of what was really important? Now I may be just a humble literary device representing your own nagging sense of self-worth, but maybe if you smartened up, focused yourself on what you really wanted to do, actually did some proper work towards it, applied for some voluntary placements, got to know people within the business, and stopped spending your lunch hour writing down hypothetical conversations with your imaginary co-worker who's resemblance to Natalie Portman isn't as subtly implied as you think, you might actually demonstrate some worth and make something of yourself."

I look straight at her. She's right. I can't argue with her. Mostly because the points she made have just come from my own head. 

"You're right Natalie. Wow, if only everyone had this kind of flu induced, self-referential, celebrity-based epiphany about their own professional life. We could probably come up with the kind of radical, imaginative solutions needed to get us through this dark financial point in the country's history."

I look around the office, but Natalie's gone. I'm alone again with the christmas trees. I guess she had other people to help...